Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Top 5 Gross-Out Fast Foods



I've recently been inspired by a truly amazing food phenomenon -- Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza. Have you seen this thing?! John Stewart and Steven Colbert have mocked it on their shows, making it a symbol of unchecked indulgence and plain bad taste. Domino's own commercials feature guys with yucky oreo cookie mustaches (see the ad here) from chowing on it. I know it's just a fad, but it's too scary to ignore.

The Oreo Pizza has led me to reflect on the lengths to which some food corporations will go to be bigger, better and nastier than their competitors. So here's my personal list of the top 5 gross-out fast foods on the market. Did I name one of your guilty (or possibly not so guilty) pleasures? Let me know what grosses you out in the comments.

5) Enormous Omelete Sandwich: 730 calories, 45 grams of fat (69% of your daily fat needs), 110% of your daily recommended cholesterol. But it'll keep you going right up till lunch time!

4) KFC Famous Bowl: I don't really have anything against KFC. If I'm going to eat fried chicken and biscuits, I want my homemade recipe. But, the conventional wisdom says the colonel's secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices is pretty good. This, however, does not excuse the Famous Bowl (pictured above) -- and what's so famous about it anyway? It's a massive bowl of mashed potatoes, topped with corn, popcorn chicken (read, "fried leftover chicken bits"), shredded cheese, gravy, and an optional biscuit add-on. All for 910 calories and a helluva lot of carbs.

3) IHOP's Country Fried Steak & Eggs: This item deserves a special mention because my sweetheart -- whom I would not hesitate to call an epicurean under normal circumstances -- absolutely loves it. Actually, he doesn't just love it, he's passionate about it and rhapsodizes over its charms. In our house, it has come to stand for his idea of bliss and my idea of pain. He loves it so much, he only eats it on rare occasions -- those couple times a year when he can devote an entire day to digesting it. In case you haven't had the pleasure, it's a fried piece of beef smothered in thick white sauce called, euphemistically, country gravy. It's served with a biscuit, and Mike get his with eggs over easy. He mixes it all around on his plate, douses it with hot sauce, and goes to his happy place for about an hour, at which point he is rendered immobile. To him, IHOP's version of this southern fave is the best, and that's why it's made the list.


2) Skyline Chili 3-Way: This ain't the good kind of 3-way -- a mound of spaghetti, a helping of beef chili flavored with cinnamon and electric-yellow cheese on top; actually, the color of the cheese is not so much electric--it's radioactive.

1) Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza - Cookie crumbs stuck to a thin crust with gooey white icing. This isn't a pizza, it's a way to use up all the broken oreos...nice work, Nabisco.


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6 comments:

NittanyRedhawk said...

I agree with Mike as to the IHOP specialty. Plus, I LOVE those KFC bowls. What in the world is not to like about taking all of the things I would normally have to eat separately and dumping them all into a single bowl for blissful consumption?

p. squiddy said...

It's sad when even the photos of the fake food look bad. I can't imagine what the actual ones look like.

Candace said...

What I don't understand about the Oreo Pizza is how, for the sweet love of god, did this monster get past the corporate chefs at Domino's?

Its.just.not.right.

The McGriddle also makes me cringe.

Julie said...

Redhawk: Mike feels vindicated...clearly efficiency is important to you, so instead of eating all these good foods in a single blissful bowl, why not take the next step and pop them in the blender for a delicious "famous smoothie" :)
Squiddy: I know! The pics are supposed to lure us in.
Candace: Nice call on the McGriddle. It's so frightening, I'm actually sorta fascinated by it (but not enough to eat one).

Andrea said...

I heard a great stand-up comic bit on the KFC Famous Bowl...it went something along the lines of "this is a bowl of sadness with a heaping of self-pity."
I'm sorry nittanyredhawk, but I can't believe that dumping everything together would be a selling point...Please, people, we're trying to have a civilization here!

Anonymous said...

i actually think the mcgriddle's ok. not good but ok. and me and my friend looked up recipes for icing and the "chef" said its a forgiving recipe and it might not turn out rite. we made it and my friend tried it out first then she said hey, it not that bad! then like three seconds later, she was screaming for water or peanut butter of something hen i tried it and it tasted like dog crap!